Moving Forward

“The forty years that I was married to my wife were the happiest of my life. Now that she is gone, I have only the memories of our time together.” As a retired firefighter, Mr Martin Tong had his share of life-threatening experiences and was not afraid of death. However, the grief from his wife’s sudden passing proved too much even for him to bear.

When Mrs Tong passed away from brain cancer, Martin was overcome with immense sadness and self-blame. “Our family was very close. The only time my life wasn’t dedicated to my wife was when I was working. I was utterly broken after her passing,” said Martin. “I kept asking myself, ‘What was the

point of living?’ and would often pray to be reunited with her sooner.”

Time is essential to coping with grief and returning to a normal routine, especially after the death of a spouse. Clinical social worker, Ms Lilian Chan, explained that while most widowers can come to terms with their loss after a year, older individuals may require more time. “Not only did his marriage with Mrs Tong span decades, but Martin is also naturally introverted and, despite sharing a close relationship with his daughter, prefers to live alone. All of these factors resulted in a more gradual coping process.” In bereavement counselling, social workers often encourage the bereaved to pursue their interests through group activities as a way to build a valuable support network.

Today, Martin’s life is no longer dictated by grief, but the longing for his wife still remains. “I can’t live the rest of my life consumed by pain. Even if it is one day at a time, I must keep moving forward.”

After losing his spouse, Martin believes the best way to cope is to keep moving forward.
The forty years that Martin was married to his wife were the happiest of his life