Mr Mo and his wife had been married for 50 years when she was diagnosed with cancer. During this time, Mr Mok would take care of his wife during the day and work through the night. “I didn’t expect my wife to pass away three months after her cancer diagnosis. As I was preparing to leave for work one evening, she told me to be safe. Little did I know that that conversation would be our last.”
Shortly into his work shift, Mr Mok suddenly felt unwell and was sent to the hospital where he was diagnosed with pulmonary edema. This resulted in a month-long hospital stay during which his wife’s condition deteriorated significantly. Even though Mr Mok was able to say goodbye to his wife, the guilt from his prolonged absence continued to weigh on his mind.
Erica Yuen, a bereavement counselor at the Jessie and Thomas Tam Centre, was assigned to follow up on Mr Mok’s case. “Widowers may be faced with a ‘role change’ in addition to their grief,” Erica explained. “The conventional male role is about rationalizing or even suppressing emotions instead of communicating openly. After the loss of a spouse, widowers often need to re-establish their self-identity.”
As Mr Mok prepared to welcome his grandson into the family, he decided to bury his grief instead of sharing his feelings with his family.
When supporting widowers, bereavement counsellors would typically assist them in developing new interests and life goals to re-establish their self-identity. “I knew Mr Mok had a passion for writing poems and that his wife used to save poetry clippings to share with him. One day, I asked him to bring his collection so that we could read through it together. This exercise enabled Mr Mok to open up about his guilt and begin the healing process.”
In addition to counselling, Erica also encouraged Mr Mok to participate in group activities organized by SPHC. Although the sadness will never truly disappear, Mr Mok has rediscovered his joy in poetry and continues to honour his wife’s memory through his writing.
Through his love of poetry, Mr Mok was encouraged to share his feelings with Erica.
Mr Mok cherishes the poetry clippings from his wife and expresses himself by writing his own poems.
Erica Yuen, Bereavement Counsellor at SPHC
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