When a person passes away, they leave behind not only treasured memories but also their physical belongings. In a city with limited living space, the difficult question for many families is: should these items be thrown out? “By taking the time to organize these items, one is also organizing their psychological and emotional clutter,” said Orange Tam, a well-known professional organizer in Hong Kong.
The Japanese art of “decluttering” is a popular method to “remove unnecessary physical attachments by discarding the superfluous objects in our lives”. In doing so, people can enjoy simple living grounded in the present. Yet for the bereaved, this is easier said than done.
As the founder and president of the Hong Kong Association of Professional Organizing, Orange was invited to be the keynote speaker at our seminar on handling the belongings of the deceased. According to Orange, a common mistake that people make is “decluttering” the belongings of the deceased in the same manner as those of the living. “Superfluous items in our daily lives can be discarded without a second thought, but the belongings of the deceased carry significant memories and emotions for the bereaved. In general, items of great commemorative or personal value such as photographs should not be thrown away lightly.”
Orange recalled being hired by a woman who required professional help in packing up her flat due to be rented out. Short on time, the woman was hastily gathering up her belongings when she came across some calligraphy by her late father. As the woman studied her father’s brushstrokes on the parchment, she was suddenly overcome with emotion and burst into tears. “I advised her to refrain from handling the calligraphy for the time being. Items of such significance should be revisited only when the grief has been addressed,” said Orange.
Not every item left behind needs to be preserved. Orange explained that it is often beneficial for the bereaved to focus on “decluttering” their own living space first. Through this process, they will learn to keep only the most indispensable items in their lives and apply that concept to the belongings of the deceased.
“When dealing with belongings of the deceased, it is important to assess the commemorative value of each item. For example, an old toothbrush is unlikely to hold much sentimental value whereas clothes worn on a special occasion would represent a meaningful connection with the deceased. Categorizing these items is helpful in distinguishing which are worth preserving and which can be discarded.” The following tips were provided by Orange to assist the bereaved in the process of “decluttering” their grief:
‧ Invite your loved ones to sort through, reminisce over, and discard the deceased’s belongings together.
‧ Begin by categorizing items into daily essentials, clothing, documents, photographs etc.
‧ Identify ways to dispose of any unwanted belongings in advance such as donating, selling, recycling, or giving these items to relatives and friends.
‧ It is not recommended to keep any items that evoke unpleasant or sad memories.
‧ Items such as photographs and film should not be discarded lightly. Digital preservation should be considered.
‧ Place belongings into three categories -
Keep: items of significant commemorative or sentimental value in relation to the deceased.
Consider: items of some commemorative value that have not been used or handled in a long time. These may be kept or given to relatives and friends.
Discard: meaningless/useless items to be donated or given to relatives and friends.
‧ To minimize regret, avoid discarding items simply for the sake of doing so.
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| Items such as photographs and film should not be discarded lightly. Digital preservation should be considered. |
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| Orange Tam, Founder and President of the Hong Kong Association of Professional Organizing. |
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| A seminar on handling the belongings of the deceased was organized for the bereaved. |
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| Orange spoke with many participants who were experiencing difficulties with decluttering. |
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