“Look, mom’s awake! She’s happy to see us!” Third daughter, Ha-ying, and her siblings were gathered around their mother, Grandma So, when she opened her eyes and smiled, filling the room with warmth and happiness.
Grandma So, 98, lived in Tai O, Lantau Island for most of her life. While her husband ran a shrimp paste business, Grandma So helped provide for her family of nine by transporting people from Tai O to Ngong Ping via litter. Though life was often difficult, she was wholly devoted to her seven children, loving both sons and daughters equally in spite of the cultural norm.
“Our mother’s love for us is boundless. Growing up, she was always helpful and never embarrassed us when we misbehaved. After our father passed away, she divided the inheritance equally among us with complete trust. She was our protector, and for that we are forever grateful.” said Ha-ying.
Grandma So’s love and warmth extends beyond her immediate family. Despite being very poor, Ha-ying recalled her mother sharing half their rice with a neighbour in need. “To be human is to have empathy for others!” Grandma So told Ha-ying.
In the eyes of her seven children, Grandma So is a wise, hardworking, frugal and attentive mother. “You’d be a better person after getting to know her!” they said jokingly. “She really is an angel.” Grandma So’s nurturing and guidance are evident in her children, all of whom have compassionate personalities and close family relationships.
When a person enters the end-of-life, it is common for family members to have different and, at times, conflicting ideas on how to proceed with various arrangements. United on all matters regarding her treatment, Grandma So’s family is the exception. “Although my mother is nearly 100 years old, she has always been in good health. Then six months ago, she suddenly developed a low-grade fever,” her seventh daughter, Lai-ying, explained. “At the public hospital, the doctor found polyps in her colon but could not determine whether they were malignant. This was during a time when family visitation remained limited to a few hours per day, which made my mother feel depressed and abandoned. She was suffering, and we were powerless to help her.” With only their mother’s comfort and well-being in mind, the seven siblings agreed to cease all curative treatments in favour of palliative care.
Initially, Grandma So’s children wanted to explore a home death arrangement, but with their residence in far-off Tai O, logistics proved to be a major issue. At the recommendation of their relatives and friends, they applied for home care services with the Jockey Club Home for Hospice. After a medical and financial assessment, Grandma So was promptly admitted to the hospice under the “Subsidy Bed Scheme”, which reduced her care expenses significantly.
“It was such a relief when mom was admitted! The medical team is very professional and attentive to her physical and psychological needs. Most importantly, we are encouraged to spend time with mom and have been taking turns accompanying her overnight. She no longer feels alone and scared.” said fifth daughter Sau-ying. She also commended the clinical social workers and volunteers for providing bereavement support, which has not only helped her family cope with grief, but also opened their eyes to a more positive view of death.
Currently, the “Day Activity Center” at the Jockey Club Home for Hospice offers a wide range of recreational activities every Tuesday. Whether it is a clown show or a Cantonese opera, Grandma So and her children are frequently seen enjoying the lively atmosphere at these volunteer-led performances. “These volunteers are a source of spiritual support for many patients and their families,” said Sau-ying. “Their dedication is deeply moving and appreciated.”
Happiness is often generational, passed down from parent to child in a cycle of love and care. Grandma So may be entering into the final stage of her life, but her lifelong dedication to her family and those around her, perpetuated through encouraging words and selfless actions, will be remembered forever.
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| Grandma So enjoys attending day activities with her daughters |
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| Volunteer group, Reineckea Welfare, visits Grandma So and other patients |
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